Spiritual Friendship, Distilled

“Here we are. You and me. And I hope Christ makes three.” So begins a profound and yet playful conversation about the possibility that “God is friendship.”

In Spiritual Friendship Distilled, readers are invited into a robust conversation about the miracle of friendship and the practical ways that we can cultivate our friendships with God, others, ourselves, and the earth. Originally written in Latin by a 12^th century English Cistercian abbot, this modern rendering makes the teachings of St. Aelred of Rievaulx more accessible than ever.

In the Introduction, Daniel DeForest London demonstrates how seamlessly Aelred weaves together the wisdom of Celtic Christianity, Anglo-Saxon tradition, and classic philosophy, and then dips the integrated wisdom into the “sweet honey of Christ’s love,” as understood in his medieval Cistercian context. As a scholar and teacher of Christian spiritualty and an Episcopal priest ordained on the Eve of the Feast Day of St. Aelred, London offers a distillation that shows how practical, relevant, and engaging Aelred’s teachings remain today.

This spiritual classic covers the divine origin, nature, and excellence of friendship in the format of a dialogue between an abbot and his fellow monks. The questions asked by Aelred’s interlocutors stir up our own questions while the four characteristics of a spiritual friend—loyalty, patience, good intention, and discretion—invite thoughtful self-reflection. The distilled dialogue can easily be read in prayerful solitude, but also among a community of friends in the style of “reader’s theater.” Including an appendix of spiritual practices inspired by Aelred’s wisdom, this book is an outstanding resource for students, teachers, retreat leaders, clergy, and anyone who wants to embrace for more fully the sacred gift of friendship.

“Rev. Daniel London has captured the essential content of St. Aelred’s famous, twelfth-century treatise on spiritual friendship and enhanced its dialogic form, giving it an updated expression. The result is a readable, inspirational text suitable to be read aloud at a parish gathering or retreat as a spur for an extended conversation about friendship as a special form of human and divine love. Dedicated to the memory of two of his own friends, London’s Spiritual Friendship Distilled awakens longing and gratitude for the gift of true friendship it describes and defines.”  —Ann W. Astell, University of Notre Dame

“Aelred’s insights about friendship remain as fresh and relevant as they were during the twelfth-century monastic renewal he helped lead. This distillation is much more than a summary: it makes his words leap across the centuries and speak with a contemporary voice while keeping the conversational format and feel of Aelred’s treatise. By condensing the fuller discussions in the Latin original, it clarifies the main threads that weave through the three dialogues. A concise introduction gives a glimpse into the various cultural traditions of friendship–Celtic Christian, Anglo-Saxon, classical, and monastic–that Aelred inherited and synthesized. Brief notes indicate his sources and also suggest connections to more recent thinkers about friendship such as C. S. Lewis. As a bonus, three beautiful, Aelred-inspired practices at the end connect spiritual friendship to Buddhist meditation and forest therapy.” —Curtis Gruenler, PhD, Professor of English, Hope College

“Spiritual Friendship Distilled is an invitation to free yourself from the crowd, learn how to embody the transformative beauty of spiritual friendship, and dip the world in the sweet honey of divine love. This adaptable book will be helpful in academic classrooms, on spiritual retreats, during zoom conversations among friends, and even performed at local theaters. Here, friend, I trust you will find medicine for the global loneliness epidemic wounding our hearts and alienating us from each other.” —Paul Houston Blankenship-Lai, PhD, Assistant Professor of Spirituality, Earlham School of Religion

“London’s evident authorial wisdom, at once scholarly and pastoral, beautifully illustrates the difference between mere “abridgment” and true distillation. Just as lemon zest contains the essence of the lemon tree and honey the essence of the hive, this book communicates in highly attractive form the essence of Ælred’s dialog on friendship, shorn of rhetorical flourishes and complex allegories. Daniel London’s Spiritual Friendship, Distilled will serve well both the spirit-quester, short on reading time yet avid for solid nourishment, and the more leisurely depth-diver, who will be baited by this book to plumb the sweet fullness and fire of Ælred’s thought in the original.” —Simeon Leiva-Merikakis OCSO, author of Love’s Sacred Order: The Four Loves Revisited